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Anatomical language is very gendered, so being able to choose what words you prefer to describe your body, and letting your partners know this is how you prefer to be described, can be a wonderful expression of freedom.Again, turn the question back onto yourself: do I like textbook words like vulva to describe my bits, or do I prefer X-rated language like cunt or pussy?The students in my dirty talk classes always tell me their biggest hurdle to successful erotic communication is the fact that their minds go blank in the heat of the moment.Here’s an easy to remember tip for that: you can always seduce (talk about the future), narrate (talk about what’s happening in the present) or check-in (return to something that’s happened in the past).

One of the most loathsome critiques of consent culture is that explicit consent takes the thrill out of seduction.

Before you pursue a unicorn hunt in earnest, why not fantasize together within your established sexual routine?

Prompt one another to explore different situations: if we brought someone home from the bar, what would you want to do first?

Maybe you like to be nasty or filthy on occasion, or maybe you like to be told you’re soft and sweet (hey, you can be both! Think of words that enhance your self-love — juicy, hot, tight, strong, cute, smooth — and enthusiastically inquire about your partner’s faves, too.

Sex is about action, and the best dirty talk is a call to action.

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We kept things friendly and fun rather than expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away.

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Almost everything else is either replaceable, recoverable or possible to take a Zen-like attitude to letting go of.

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